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But…his shadow self emerges, and I recognize I am still getting to know him.He has acknowledged that he has an ambivalent-anxious attachment style (with the tendency to retreat when he is feeling emotionally challenged, but still a deep need to connect), which he is making sense of in therapy and independently.Are imperfections by definition at least yellow flags?Afterall, I did make the point almost anything can be spinned into a red flag.
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Now what makes things even harder to navigate is this: you’re really stuck on this guy. Why bail on a promising relationship just because there’s a hint of trouble? And you can’t let fear make your decisions in life. As you’ve identified, there’s a chance he won’t be able to overcome his past, but it seems to me like he has all the best intentions in attempting to do so.
And you’re writing to me to make sense of what seems like contradictory advice, “wait and see,” or “believe the negatives and run.”Honestly, you don’t have to decide today. Which is why I see this situation through a prism of cautious optimism. As I see it, the script of your relationship has yet to be written. One of my favorite quotes is: “The only risk is the one not taken.”I wonder if she would consider staying if she was 10 years younger than she is now.
But, as someone with an anxious-frightened attachment style, this can be particularly provoking for me.
He is always open and available to speak about my needs and feelings – but is not always equipped to handle my expressions.
Romantic At Heart Bookworm: You could also just go with “Romantic at Heart” if you want to.