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“If you notice that you’re always the one counseling, loaning, or saving in the relationship, then that friendship has the potential to be toxic,” says Christal D. Sometimes gently pointing it out can help, as the friend might not recognize the issue.
“A simple thing that you can do is to say, ‘Right now I just need someone to listen to me,’” says Perelmutter.
Tasha Rube is a Licensed Master Social Worker in Missouri.
Studies have suggested that those with really solid friends live longer.
Like all deep relationships, however, even your platonic ones are bound to have their shaky moments.
“As you get older, it’s important to evaluate your friendships.
If they’re not healthy or serving a positive purpose, it’s time to phase those people out,” says Kris Perelmutter, author of noting that there's often fear and reluctance involved.
But when it crosses a line into jealousy—including aggressive competition, one-upping, and excessive attempts at leveling the playing field by diminishing your accomplishments—things become less kosher. That’s not to say that good friends won’t have fleeting moments of jealousy—that's just life, "but they work to contain those emotions and express them appropriately, rather then through veiled insults or overt competitiveness," explains Dr. “If you're always walking away from them feeling down on yourself, or having to talk yourself into why that person is your friend, that person might not be right for you at this time,” says Fati Marie, California-based certified integrative holistic health coach at Encinitas’ Four Moons Spa.