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” The response was fairly consistent: Most women wanted to know when sex was more than just a physical act, and/or if men the women they had slept with.

On the male side, I also asked an important question: “What do you think women get wrong about men when it comes to sex and intimacy?

I recently conducted two informal surveys about sex and intimacy; one survey went out to men in their 20s and 30s, the other to women of the same ages.

While I did expect there to be some overlap in the free-response format, I didn’t expect the overlap to be so consistent in both sets.

Intimacy is obviously a large part of that, but is it not nearly the whole story.”If you want sex to just be sex, then this probably isn’t a huge concern; let your relationship unfold as you see fit, and see if the emotional intimacy develops.

We’re still confused about how the sexes experience sex, and probably a little jaded from past experiences.

I originally started working in the relationship space to sort out unspoken gender dynamics in a world that’s trying to erase them for emerging generations.

In fact, most of the guys I surveyed indicated they’d grown out of that sex-driven phase by around thirty — which, hey, age of first marriage is hovering around 29 right now for guys (and 27 for women).

That said, it’s not like women conveniently forget what it feels like to meet a “detached” guy or feel “disrespected” by him. Not only is it unfair to your dating prospects, it’s a prison that will keep you from building healthy relationships moving forward.

Instead, filter for qualities of character — like honesty, communication, effort, follow-through — that your younger, campus-age self might have ignored.