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That’s energy and space that he can’t and won’t channel into you in positive ways. He doesn’t consistently spend time with his children.You also end up keeping company with someone who is aloof, moody, defensive and/or crabby. If your separated man isn’t seeing much of his kids, this should be seen as a warning, not a “bonus” (cause it’s more time spent with you, right? One reason he’s not parenting could be because he and his wife are disagreeing over child custody and access.The bottom line is that going through a divorce requires a lot of him – he must grieve, heal, hash through legalities, potentially adjust to single parenting and financial limitations, as well as rediscover a new sense of who he is today.It is a process that requires time, self-awareness and hard work.Unfortunately, there are many men who are all too aware of the benefits that come with dating separated women and see them as moving targets for their womanizing ways. Remember the girl who lived in your dorm during freshman year of college, the one who grew up with strict parents? That said, just because a woman feels sexually charged and invigorated doesn’t mean she is in the market for being used. As much as a woman may want to reinvent the wheel with someone new, she remains in legal limbo until her divorce is final. After being in a monogamous relationship with one man for many years, many women see separation as a chance to meet new people, those with backgrounds and interests differing from their own.Consequently, separated women unaware of their “street value” may unsuspectingly find themselves duped by players who knowingly take advantage of them or by emotionally unavailable men with a pattern of excited starts and abrupt stops. The one who began having her very own sexual revolution with guy after guy the minute she was out of her parents’ sight? After spending a long time in a marriage, one plagued with problems as evidenced by its imminent end, separation often becomes the time for women to rediscover a sexual identity that may have been repressed for years. Female sexuality should never be confused with promiscuity or cheapened morals. Great for a guy who is tired of a population of women questioning him on a first date if his taxi light is on or when it will be, and the ticking sound of his dinner date’s biological clock. What outsiders may see as an unlikely pairing could actually become a satisfying relationship because we don’t know always know what we are missing until we find it. At the other extreme are women eager to head back down the aisle.
Accepting that that dream has died – and that he –is a painful process that requires the healing hands of time. It amazes me how many men are two, three, even important and it’s far more than “just a piece of paper.” In addition to providing some legal closure, it brings more emotional closure. Your separated man could be angry at many things: himself, a legal battle, women in general, even life.The problem is, oftentimes they don’t know that they are even part of a game until it’s too late because they have either been out of the game for so long or, like myself, were never in the game at all because I married young.Instead of playing, these women end up getting played.Another reason he doesn’t regularly see his kids could be because right now, he despises his ex, himself and the divorce situation, more than he loves his kids.By avoiding his “Life #1”, which includes his ex, all-things marriage and the kids — and throwing himself into “Life #2”, which includes dating you, feeling successful and good about himself, he can run away from the burden of his heavy emotions. Without a doubt, child support payments are a huge responsibility and a source of emotional and financial stress for many men.